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Gift Ideas

Don’t forget to check out these books for gift ideas:IFTIR MasterCoverJPEG

IKWYK cover JPEG JMHHO cover jpegIFTIR MasterCoverJPEG

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Story in Storyteller

I received this message from the Storyteller Magazine:

Your story (The Cookie Famine) will be in the next issue…Am hoping the issue will be available sometime later in November. Ordering copies can now be done through Amazon, B&N.com, Kindle and Nook.

This is so cool. It is a great magazine.

Kevin

Mirror, Mirror

We have been painting the interior of our house. When Katie got to my office to do her faux thing, I took the door off to make it easier for her. The previous owner had mounted a full length mirror on it. No problem. I just left it on the door. Well, Sunday came, which required turning the door mirror side out and strategically placed at the intersection of our two offices and the living room for the feminine one of the household to primp properly.

After we got home from evening services, I headed for my office. Dusk had taken over the house, but I felt I didn’t need to turn on the lights yet. As I rounded the corner to the offices, a strange and frightening apparition fearlessly approached me head on. Instantly, my adrenaline kicked in, my heart shifted into overdrive, while my brain stripped a couple gears. After a second or two I realized it was my reflection staring at me.

I am still rejoicing that I didn’t scream like a little girl.

© copyright Kevin T Boekhoff

A Funny Riddle for Seniors

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you’ve had enough excitement for one day! 

Her Diary, His Diary – Funny

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But, I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried.

I don’t know what to do. I am almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

 

His Diary:

Truck won’t start… can’t figure out why.

Joke: Great Advice

A man keeps having horrible paranoid feelings that someone was hiding under his bed.

He finally goes to a psychiatrist. He tells the doctor that he just knows there is someone hiding under his bed at night. He says that whenever he gets the courage to look under the bed, he doesn’t see anyone, but feels the person has probably climbed on top of the bed. So, while he’s never seen the person, he knows he is there.

The psychiatrist says, “This sounds like a very deep-seated problem. It’ll probably take some intense therapeutic sessions, at least once or twice a week for a year or two to resolve the matter.”

The man said, “How much will this cost?”

The doc says, “$150 per session.”

The man gulps and says, “Doc, let me think about it.”

A couple of weeks later the man bumps into the doctor on the sidewalk and says, “Hey, doc. Good news! I’m cured, and it only cost me $10.”

The psychiatrist was stunned and asked, “That’s amazing. How is that possible?”

The man says, “I was telling my ol’ granny about my problem and she said, “Why, honey, just cut the legs off the bed!”

Hey Stranger

True story: I met a friend the other day that greeted me with, “Hey Stranger.”

I replied, “Hey stranger than I.”

He just blinked at me in return. I thought it was funny.

A Kid’s Perspective – funny

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honour thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill…”

Have You Heard This One?

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached there in the window were a host of chocolates, donuts, and cheesecakes. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to You. If You want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.”
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so good!

Funny story: God is Eternal

When my youngest son was three years old, he sat in my lap at Church. (We had a guest speaker this particular Sunday.) The guest speaker was in the middle of a very loud sermon when he bent over the podium and started yelling “God is eternal,” “God is eternal,” while banging his fist for emphasis.
My son looked very serious for a moment and then as young children do, he exclaimed very loudly, “Momma I didn’t know God was a turtle.” Needless to say, he had three rows of pews cracking up in the middle of the poor speaker’s sermon.
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