A couple weeks ago, I saw something that caught my eye. A scorpion hunter kit. Yes sir, everything one could want to safely catch scorpions – all in one container. It seems scorpions illuminate under special lighting. Since I am new to New Mexico, it sounded like a great device to have in my possession. Thusly, I ordered it.
My Scorpion Hunter kit came in today. It has a wonderful little box with letters that illuminate with the special little UV flashlight that comes with it. The instructions say to wait until dark. Since I didn’t feel good today, I was practicing doing nothing. I am not good at doing nothing, but with more practice, who knows.
Once I deemed it dark enough, I donned the special yellow scorpion hunting glasses, turned on my special scorpion hunting flashlight, put on protective clothing – slippers. I then took the special scorpion hunting tweezers with special illuminating plastic ends, the special scorpion hunting flashlight and went hunting.
The exhilaration produced by walking the premises hoping to tweeze a scorpion by the tail made me feel like a kid again. It reminded me of using my special decoder ring from a cereal box. I found myself wishing I had the optional Scorpion Hunter hat, though. As I walked the yard, I was amazed to discover how much trash illuminates in the special UV light. Specks of this, gobs of that, here and there, hither and yon throughout the yard.
While on this hunt, I happened to see a silhouette of a large spider suspended in mid-air in the garage with the special flashlight. So, I turned on the garage light and it turned out to be a black widow. I dispatched it quickly and praised God that I had noticed it BEFORE I ran into it.
Other than the spider, I had to come in the house defeated. This pleased my wife. But I must say I was disappointed to not have a scorpion squeezed in the tweezers. Then again after the hubbub this would have caused had died down, I may have been sleeping in the doghouse. Since Parkinson’s made me very sore today, the doghouse would have been extremely uncomfortable.
In retrospect, I realized that God knew I didn’t need to catch a scorpion with my handy dandy Scorpion Hunter kit with the potential of making such a poor decision within the realm of possibility.
© copyright Kevin T Boekhoff
Last month I said that I would be submitting humor stories to a couple places and publications. The results from Humorpress.com are in! My essay “Recycle That Cyber Waste” won 3rd place and “The Miracle Emporium” placed in the Semi-finalist category. I have fun writing, let me know if you enjoy reading them. Check it out at http://www.humorpress.com/Results/HumorShowcase-Index.htm
When we looked through the house and went with the inspector at another time before we bought it. I discovered that the house was occupied by a squatter. A lady was living in the cellar/crawlspace. When we moved in, I was disappointed to find that she was no longer there. I wanted to get a picture of her.
Today, I had a repairman here that needed to go into the cellar/crawlspace/dungeon. He thought the nearly horizontal exterior door looked spooky. We looked down the stair steps into the cellar area. It looked dark and creepy to him, especially with spider webs crisscrossing the passage. Then he spotted the lady that lived down there. While he contemplated having to go down into the “creepy movie” area (his terminology) I went to get a broom to shoo her away. He took the broom from me, cleared away the spider webs. That’s when the lady grabbed onto the broom and wouldn’t let go. He quickly handed me the broom covered with creepiness for “me to take care of.”
The lady started crawling up the broom. She looked beautiful with the sun reflecting off of her. I really wanted to get my camera, but the repairman wanted to know that he was safe from her. She creeped him out, he said. Therefore, against all of my desires to take a picture, I killed her. I hated to do it. So, I’ll have to Google for pics of black widow spiders. I am seriously disappointed.
© copyright Kevin T Boekhoff
I find it interesting that people pick on people that shop at Walmart. Maybe someone else is shaking their head at you while you are shopping at Walmart – especially when you forgot to change out of your bunny slippers before leaving the house. – Kevin
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”