A Kid’s Perspective – funny

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honour thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill…”

Have You Heard This One?

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached there in the window were a host of chocolates, donuts, and cheesecakes. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to You. If You want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.”
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so good!

Funny story: God is Eternal

When my youngest son was three years old, he sat in my lap at Church. (We had a guest speaker this particular Sunday.) The guest speaker was in the middle of a very loud sermon when he bent over the podium and started yelling “God is eternal,” “God is eternal,” while banging his fist for emphasis.
My son looked very serious for a moment and then as young children do, he exclaimed very loudly, “Momma I didn’t know God was a turtle.” Needless to say, he had three rows of pews cracking up in the middle of the poor speaker’s sermon.

I Thought This was Funny…

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork
because of swine flu, ignore it. It’s just Spam.

News Flash:  Big Pharma Stealing Cookies

It has come to my attention that big Pharma, through a hostile takeover, may soon own Nestle’s recipe and rights for Toll House cookies. It seems that they have discovered the health benefits of these chocolate chunk cookies (something I have known for many years).

I have discovered, through personal experimentation, that Extra-strength Chocolate Chunk Cookies do, in fact, have curative properties. I can recall many times throughout my life that without these cookies, I surely would have perished years ago. I recommend two cookies every four hours for common maladies. They work best when washed down with a mocha frappuccino. Serious ailments require a more rigorous regiment, although I do not recommend more than a dozen within a twenty-four hour period.

Perhaps a public outcry would stop this revolting development. Don’t remain silent about something so unimportant as this. Write your congressmen. Have the Presidential candidates address this in their next debate.

Don’t let the big pharmaceutical companies steal our cookies!

© copyright Kevin T Boekhoff

 

Divco Delivery Truck

 

DIVCOWhen I was a kid, I helped my Dad deliver milk door-to-door in one of these (maybe this one, I don’t know). He stood up when driving. The gas on the right and the left pedal was a clutch/brake combination. When he pushed down on the pedal he could shift gears, push too far and the brake engaged. I stood on the right side trying to keep my balance with my fingernails grasping the little desk thingie.  No such thing as seat belts, air bags, etc. The box was not refrigerated, so he loaded the truck with products, then shoveled ice chips on the load.

Plz Check It Out

Please take a couple minutes and read my latest funny stuff. My essay “Recycle That Cyber Waste” won 3rd place and “The Miracle Emporium” placed in the Semi-finalist category at Humor Press. I have fun writing, let me know if you enjoy reading them. Check it out at http://www.humorpress.com/Results/HumorShowcase-Index.htm

Funny: Trivial Pursuit

A man was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was his turn.
He rolled the dice and he landed on Science & Nature.
His question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
He thought for a time and then asked, “Is the vacuum on or off?”

A Quote from My Upcoming Devotional Book

“A smart mouth is not the same thing as intelligent conversation.” – Kevin T Boekhoff

The Fearless Scorpion Hunter

A couple weeks ago, I saw something that caught my eye. A scorpion hunter kit. Yes sir, everything one could want to safely catch scorpions – all in one container.  It seems scorpions illuminate under special lighting. Since I am new to New Mexico, it sounded like a great device to have in my possession. Thusly, I ordered it.

scorpionhunter.com1My Scorpion Hunter kit came in today.  It has a wonderful little box with letters that illuminate with the special little UV flashlight that comes with it. The instructions say to wait until dark. Since I didn’t feel good today, I was practicing doing nothing. I am not good at doing nothing, but with more practice, who knows.

Once I deemed it dark enough, I donned the special yellow scorpion hunting glasses, turned on my special scorpion hunting flashlight, put on protective clothing – slippers. I then took the special scorpion hunting tweezers with special illuminating plastic ends, the special scorpion hunting flashlight and went hunting.scorpionhunter.com2

The exhilaration produced by walking the premises hoping to tweeze a scorpion by the tail made me feel like a kid again. It reminded me of using my special decoder ring from a cereal box. I found myself wishing I had the optional Scorpion Hunter hat, though. As I walked the yard, I was amazed to discover how much trash illuminates in the special UV light. Specks of this, gobs of that, here and there, hither and yon throughout the yard.

While on this hunt, I happened to see a silhouette of a large spider suspended in mid-air in the garage with the special flashlight. So, I turned on the garage light and it turned out to be a black widow. I dispatched it quickly and praised God that I had noticed it BEFORE I ran into it.

Other than the spider, I had to come in the house defeated. This pleased my wife. But I must say I was disappointed to not have a scorpion squeezed in the tweezers. Then again after the hubbub this would have caused had died down, I may have been sleeping in the doghouse. Since Parkinson’s made me very sore today, the doghouse would have been extremely uncomfortable.

In retrospect, I realized that God knew I didn’t need to catch a scorpion with my handy dandy Scorpion Hunter kit with the potential of making such a poor decision within the realm of possibility.

 

© copyright Kevin T Boekhoff

 

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